I have just completed 6 weeks off my thyroid meds, I can say with conviction that that’s 6 weeks I don’t want to do again in a very long time. Oh little butterfly gland I do miss you at times.
But you know, I often got up, got dressed, disguised how I was really looking under the cover of makeup, it’s amazing what mascara can do, and kept on living, when all I really wanted to do was curl up in bed and stay.
And staying in bed was really nice for a little longer of a morning, my kiddies all started coming back and snuggling in with me for a bit, oh how I miss those years, they are growing so fast, nothing was sweeter than having my 9, 13 & 17 year old snuggling and giggling together one morning until I prompted them to get ready for school/work.
One such afternoon when I was exhausted and Miss 9 was tired and not feeling well, we were lying on my bed chatting and she asked me what it was like to be ‘off my meds’ (the kids had a joke about mum being off meds) … I came up with this analogy for her … It’s like mummy is your iPod … And my tablets are like recharging the iPod, but right now I can’t recharge the iPod. I told her I needed to be careful not to do too much, you know how playing lots of games run your battery flat quick. ‘What happens when your battery goes flat’ she asks (oops, bad mummy moment) ‘I would die, we can’t live without our thyroid and mummy can’t live without her medication now … Her horrified face quickly had me reassuring her I wasn’t going to go completely flat, I’d be back on meds long before that happened to which she replied ‘that’s good, we don’t even know how to use the washing machine yet’. I got a very big laugh from that, and I wasn’t allowed to walk unassisted when I got out of bed, she would push each leg to help me walk to help save my battery power. Gee kids are cute!! Her 15 year old brother did reassure her it was ok, he in fact did know how to use the washing machine.
The words of encouragement from my 5 beautiful kiddies and husband have been really special through this time, and constant checks from my bestie every day about how I was doing each day. Some days my eyes were swollen and my brain didn’t want to work, some days my feet swelled and my legs ached, some days the fatigue was so overwhelming I would just stand in the shower and cry because I felt like it. And some days I would be surprised, some days I would be OK, but I could go from good to bad in 60 minutes and vice versa, no rhyme or reason.
Looks can really be deceiving, I don’t know how many times during my 6 weeks somebody said to me, you look really good, you must be doing well now, but that’s ok, I’m sure I’ve said the same thing too at one stage or another. It made me think about how much we cover up at times, and there are people you would share with and people you wouldn’t, but I also looked at it like it was my courage shining through, my strength from God, because without that, I’m sure I would have stayed in bed and on the couch a lot more. But there was so much LIFE going on, and they were moments I just didn’t want to miss.
I got to thinking about hypo hell (as thyroid patients call it), and what else I know about the hell named in the bible. Eternal suffering and pain, no thanks, 6 weeks of suffering was nothing in comparison to what it would be like, a never ending pain, never ending tears. I choose Heaven, no more tears, no more sickness, no more pain, streets paved with gold and precious gems, colours so spectacular that the names we have for them just wouldn’t describe their brilliance. And light that comes from the glory of God. Yes, I choose heaven, this time here on earth is only like a spec of sand on a desert.
So now I wait some more, for my next lot of test results to come back …